Technology and Cars - Driving Me Insane!

Now, are your sleeping patterns healthy? Yes? Well here’s something to fuck them up. Cars driven by computers. Yes, the technology already in cars is to be extended. It sends a chill up the spine to know that they are planning to hand over a few simple controls to the computers. Like starting. And steering. And stopping. Oh joy. I am somewhat concerned at the possibilities of these computers having “teething problems". Let’s hope they are not as stupid as the ones ‘working’ train doors. (See 'Technology and Trains')

But then again, perchance I rushed too hastily into condemnation on this one. Because most drivers are pretty stupid wouldn’t you agree? How did they ever pass their test? (eventually you will agree with something I say). If you agree that most drivers are unsafe, well done, you may be a good and considerate driver. I like you. Allow a wave of smugness to envelope you. On the other hand, you may be kidding yourself, you could be terrible. A good test is to observe your passengers. I do not normally advocate that you take your eyes from the road, but perhaps just for a second won’t hurt (if you are one of those tossers who eats, drinks and yacks into a mobile phone whilst driving then you are a stinking driver, you need not take this test). What you do is look at your passenger’s hands. Are they clenched and the knuckles white? Next look at their feet. Are they pumping up and down on imaginary brakes? Is the answer ‘yes’ to either or both of these? Then here is your test result. You suck.

So - computers in cars. This needs some thought. The problem is, we must decide if computers are more stupid than people. This is not an easy one. Almost all accidents are caused by drivers anyway, so would it be better or worse if computers took over? Hmmm…… There is that eloquent car sticker “ Designed by computer, built by robot, driven by moron.” It has some merit.

Hmm….hmmmm…thinks…….I know! Let’s breed better people, genetically modified to be able to drive! It beats me how no one has thought of this already. You could programme in all sorts of things, like hazard awareness and consideration and observation skills and enjoyment at driving at safe speeds. Oh. I see the dawning of a brand new day!